Holla Amigo, this is the first try we’ve given to writing an online comic in the form of an article, especially in the crypto-space. I hope this entertains you and we’ll keep coming up with more chapters.

PS:- Think of this as a garage comic, written literally from bed/couch.

Character introduction:

JoJo – Noobie but wants to get into the hype

Call him JoJo

Chad – Did zero research on Bitcoin, cares nothing about the blockchain – talks about lambo and moon.

Call him Chad or boy with lambo

David – An institutional investor, he’s all about the money.

Only call him Sir or Monsieur

Bitchi: A galactic genius, dismissive guru from the crypto-space with zero tolerance

Just Bitchi or Khckjhs shsys yshxhuc hsus

The main character of our comic is Bitchi, our alien host from the crypto-space. He is our guru and above all, the only fictional character our team could think of to portray this suspicious role, oh, wait, I mean auspicious.

Narrator: On a shiny day, where the markets bloomed in green and the double-digit gains conquered everyone’s smartphones, some newbies tried making sense of crypto. 

Chad *Jumps*: Yo bro, the bulls are back!

Jojo *Sadly says*: I entered when Bitcoin was at $10k in 2017

Chad *Smirks*: Ah, that’s okay. You’re still $9.7k smarter than many. 

*JoJo becomes sad*

Jojo *Interrogative mode*: Do you wonder what if this is actually a bubble? What if financial sovereignty comes with a different ideology and not cryptocurrency?

Chad *Confused*: Can you just shut up and trust the code bruh?

[*On the side* Chad – slyly googles what financial sovereignty means]

During this time, David an accidental passerby overheard their conversation, he stops and thinks of giving them a piece of wisdom. 

David: Fellow gentlemen. It must be quite a day at Wall Street for crypto-enthusiasts to come out in the sun and talk. 

Jojo: Hello Sir, it’s been a green day so far. 

Chad: And you would be?

David: I’m the man who sucks at innovating but is pretty good with speculations. 

Chad: I stopped listening after sucks. 

Jojo: Oh, I’m guessing you’re an institutional investor. Can you help us with the basics of starting a business in cryptocurrency and blockchain-based solutions? We have no idea about how businesses run here. I want to start one of my own. But idk what’s it supposed to be. 

David [*thinks very hard*]: Apart from the technical complexities I believe I can.

Chad: Isn’t the technical complexities what makes bitcoin, Bitcoin?

David: Why don’t you explain then?

Chad *yells*: I’m not the one with the abs!

Seeing all of this from dimension Web 730.0, Bitchi realized there was nothing but ignorance amongst people of the community. At this pace, the advancement in future technology was being delayed. So he decided, it was time for him to come – to web 2.0 to provide some knowledge.

Bitchi enters cryptographic signals on some highly advanced device

Timestamp: 26:13 \ 12-10-2837 

function The Art of Selling()


#Cryptocurrency Version = ‘#WithBitchi;

console.log(“Hi, guys. I’m Bitchi, your host for this comic”);

return #TheArtofSelling;



Bitchi: It takes time to achieve warpspeed to come to dimension E – 420, the subatomic particles here are too cluttered for the speedboost.

[*thinks*why I am I telling them this, they haven’t even discovered A – 001 yet…]

Bitchi: Ever since the industrialization took place and the advancements in different market regions all over the gargantuan macrocosm started accelerating its growth, one of the most difficult questions to crack has been – how to make people buy something they need but do not realize it yet? 

Everything saleable has a particular audience, a niche group of people that we need to understand, attract and cater to. 

When it comes to traditional markets they rely on advertisements displayed on television, they rely on banking partnerships and regulated marketing. But what do cryptocurrency-related companies do? How do they gain funding in millions despite all the limitations that come? 


*Bitchi cuts them out*

Bitchi: Well, I’m here so nothing else matters. 

[*removes his earphones* Can’t survive earth without ‘em rock]

Bitchi: I’m here to teach y’all how cryptocurrency-related companies make it large. I will dive deep into all the sectors and their products, services, marketing tactics and finally – The Art Of Selling. First, tell me, do y’all listen to Beatles?

JoJo: I sometimes like to listen to here comes the sun.

Bitchi: CIA’s MK-Ultra killed John not Chapman.

JoJo: Why? Why would you say that?

Bitchi: Ever listen to McCartney’s Who cares?

<Jojo plugs in earphones> <Listens to Who cares> <Starts crying loudly.>

Bitchi: It’s extremely important to understand the kinds of companies in the crypto-space to your present.

Chad: Our present?


  1. Protocols 
  2. dApps
  3. Publications
  4. Financial Services
  5. Agencies
  6. Exchanges
  7. Bitcoin Associates
  8. Nakamoto data storage apparatus 
  9. Time-traveling stamp agencies
  10. and…

Bitchi: [*thinks* I believe they’ve not reached 7,8,9 yet.]

Let’s understand the first, Protocols.

Blockchain Protocols 

A company identifies as a protocol-oriented organization when they develop a blockchain-based protocol through consensus mechanisms. The mechanism might be anywhere around PoW to PoS or DPoS and the rest. The protocol has a set of predetermined rules that are implemented for the trustless working of the blockchain. It may have additional layers of smart contracts, dApps or security functions. Ethereum, Qtum, and NEO are examples of the most-known protocols of this space. 

So how do these protocols make money? 

What do they sell? 

How do they sell?

Secondly, it’s important to understand the revenue model of these protocols. 

Give me a pen and a paper – the oldest medium to explain if speech is not considered.

David: Isn’t petroglyphs around the upper paleolithic age the oldest?

Bitchi: I bet your dead mom told you this.

David: My mother is alive!

Bitchi: Kill her then, she speaks bullshit.

[JoJo gives Bitchy a pen and a paper]

Let’s imagine Bob and Alice – two really smart entrepreneurs who want to work on a protocol that gives x solutions. They get in their magic ingredients such as Proof-of-work, Nodes, incentivization, dApps and cryptography. And boom! The Protocol is up and running. 

Then Bob and Alice run to influencers and P.R. Agencies after which they move on to acquiring a community base.

After all the pitching, Bob and Alice get ready for a token sale. Wherein they have two options [*thinks*not really] Private Sale and Crowd Sale. 

Private Sales basically means going after elite investors who see the potential of the project. Pitching and raising money from rich twats who have already a truckload of money. 

After doing a private sale there are two options to go around with:-

Listing: Getting your coin that is based on your protocol listed on exchanges such as Binance, Coinbase, Bitfinex, Bitmex, Kraken, OkEx and all the other shady exchanges you can think of. 

IEO: Conducting an Initial Exchange Offering an IEO. Wherein you raise funds through an exchange. It’s basically an initial offering through an exchange. 

The second comes crowd sale it’s a dead end. And if you don’t believe me go ahead and try it.

Bitchi: I ain’t using a ball pen and paper anymore. It’s a lot of work. I actually need to use my hands for this.

Jojo: Sir if I may ask, can you explain the channels they use for PR and marketing considering the limitations as Google banned advertising, Facebook doesn’t support it and I have never seen a single television advertisement on cryptocurrency. 

Bitchi: What’s the date?

Chad: 3rd June

David and Jojo: No, it’s 5th June

Bitchi: Why are you nuggets so ignorant?

Okay if we are in June of 2019. Google lifted the ban months ago and Facebook too. How is the Libra coin coming along?

Chad: The what?

Bitchi: Oh, I think that’ll come out on 18th June.

All: *confused* 

Chad: What are you talking about?

Bitchi: Let me tell you guys about cracking the real code.

Building relationships with PR agencies is like investing in Bitcoin in 2010. 

It gives you 20000% return after 7 years. 

But also gives you returns from Day-1 

[*thinks* With some highs and lows of course]

Bitchi: I remember the PR question imma tap into that later, we will first cover dApps cause techies like to read that first. Quickly, ask me something about dApps or “they” will get bored. They means techies, they usually stop reading after 0.34 secs into an article.

Jojo: Umm okay…do you know that Tron surpassed the dApp count of Ethereum and EOS?

Bitchi: God forbid if Justin makes another announcement, I will release the research paper on how BTT cannot be integrated into the BitTorrent ecosystem earlier than it’s supposed to be. 

Bitchi: I’m talking about real dApps and solutions that people can use on a daily basis rather than nerds gaming all day for geek money.

David: How do we monetize dApps exactly? Considering they are decentralized applications we don’t really have the user’s data to show them any ads. What works here?

Bitchi: These dApps have certain metrics to work on such as its daily active users, its churn rate, its lifetime value and the cost of acquisition per customer.

dApps – Decentralized applications are basically open sourced, decentralized applications that have an incentivization model for all its users which works on its underlying protocol. 

In short, imagine your car working by itself uber-ing passengers around like an independent woman cause it needs no man, and now, not even you. 

Think of all the gadgets you have, your phone, laptop, desktop, smart TV – just sitting around all day waiting for you to touch it but you know cause you’re busy with all the real-life socializing crap.

What if your devices could be used by third parties when it’s not being used by you and would still generate some amount of income for your broke ass to sustain?

That’s the power of a decentralized economy accelerated through dApps!

Do you wonder how dApps work?

Give me your Molyvioter, I need to get this right. 

David: And what exactly is that?

Bitchi: Ughhhh… 2019 dammit!

<10 secs later>

The internet empowers connectivity, communication network, applications, data flow, even as small as you buying a grocery offline has some internet working behind it.

A dApp is controlled by the nodes present on its network through the internet. The nodes work in unison to provide the users with a solution and are incentivized for the same. These solutions are provided to users by a decentralized network with no centralized authority.

How do they mint money?

They don’t. They wait for higher adoption!

A dApp works on the internet, to shut a dApp you will literally have to shut the internet worldwide. 

Chad: Exactly how we need to instant transmit you, cause we can’t shut you up.

David to Chad: That made no sense, I like this man. 

Bitchi: Please don’t call me a man. I’m not a single-minded human. I have the ability to multiply my alliances with heterogeneous polymorphic genders, races and be god-like. 

Chad: Duh…on earth we call it “getting girls pregnant”. 


Jojo: Let’s talk about publications. I wonder how they got so far with no support? Coindesk & Cointelegraph get traffic in double-digit millions during bull runs. But, exchanges end up with less than a million users. 

Jojo says to Bitchi: I think that’s cos they started before the hype.

Bitchi: Media builds the hype Jo. 

Media publications work on the fundamental value of information sharing and talking bullshit.

JoJo: How does he know my name? [*thinks* My mom called me Jo]

Bitchi: I have been to the astral plane. I had gorgon juice with your dead mother

Jojo: She’s alive!

Bitchi: Wait for it then.


David: Really?

Bitchi: No I overheard you guys speak earlier. 

**The END**
Episode 2 will be out shortly if you guys like this send in a comment I will collab all the episodes into books and courier it to you guys!

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